


Blueberry Muffin

by addykins



Category: The Wizard Of Oz (1939), The Wizard of Oz & Related Fandoms
Genre: Other, Wizard of Oz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-28
Updated: 2014-05-28
Packaged: 2018-01-26 21:01:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1702403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/addykins/pseuds/addykins
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You remember the story of Dorothy Gale, and how she got swept off into the magical world of Oz? Well that story was accurate, but here's a different version. A more fierce version.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Blueberry Muffin

I walked down the road looking hella kawaii in my stilettos that were ruby red because I was fierce as fuck. My name was Eve, and I was the wicked bitch from east side, all knew me and worshipped the brick I walked on. All until the day I died. Of course I didn’t know I’d die today, if I did I wouldn’t have came all the way to visit the Munchkins. To explain, Munchkins are like chibis but in real life and are super kawaii so I usually visit them a lot. They can sing and dance and do other stuff which is great.  


So like I said before, I was being all fierce in my ruby red stilettos, a super sexy black corset and black leather pants. I walked everywhere because I wanted the townspeople to worship my beauty and like realize how ugly they are. Especially the scarecrow because like damn gurl ratchet is one thing and you are that one thing but worse. The main reason I could walk as far from my castle to Munchkinland is because my stilettos had been infused with a magic that made it so I could walk in them without my feet ever hurting and my body could never grow tired. My beloved shoes were my pride and joy. 

After a few more hours of sashaying down the catwalk of life, I arrived to Munchkinland. “Eve! We have been awaiting your arrival for days, we’re so glad you came safely.” The mayor said with glee. I looked down at him, and just as I was about to speak a house came out of fucking nowhere and was like hey I’m going to park on your face. It was very rude, and I was so offended that I died. 

My name is Dorothy but you have to call me Roth and I’m the baddest bitch ever. I had the words “Thug Lyfe” tattooed on my knuckles because I was a straight up thug and nobody could deny and if they did I would sick my german shepard, Toto, on them. I am so bad that I wore a white summer dress even though it was spring. A hurricane recently wanted to destroy my house but I glared at it and it got so scared that it just threw my house somewhere. “What the fuck, Toto?” I said, looking down at him. He had been practicing his rendition of Swan Lake for his dance recital. “That’s all wrong, you’re being so unthug right now.” I said, and then showed him how it was done. I was so graceful.

After an hour or two of dancing, Toto and I decided to set out and see where that bitch ass hurricane brought us. On the other side of the door could be a magical land filled with many problems that I would have to solve, I was excited for the adventures ahead of me. I opened the door slowly, stepping out into the bright and shining light. “Well that was anticlimactic.” I said. Expecting to be mesmerized by beautiful landscape and scantily clad male models, I had stepped into a new world that was so run down it could have been Detroit. I was probably in fucking Detroit. 

As I was about to leave I looked down and saw this pair of hella sexy ruby red stilettos. They were attached to a pair of feet, and in that moment I had realized that my house had crushed a bitch. Since I was probably in Detroit, I decided that this was nothing new and I pried the shoes from the cold dead feet that they belonged to. Taking off my knee high black leather boots with purple lace, I slipped the stilettos on and was met with a feeling of extreme comfort. It was like my feet had gone on vacation to the Hamptons while the rest of me was stuck in Detroit. 

I saw doors being locked and blinds being pulled, all while screams and shouts rattled my ears. “We aren’t in Kansas anymore, Toto.” I exclaimed, and rushed back into my house to grab my picnic basket. I had kept my most treasured items in said basket, and it was only to be opened in case of extreme emergency. Inside was my passport, $10,000 in cash, a glock and a sniper rifle with plenty of ammunition, a taser, and 9 seasons of Seinfeld on DVD. I was prepared for anything. 

Strutting back outside, basket in hand and Toto by my side, I had felt invincible. I walked to what seemed to be the center of Detroit and started screaming various obscenities, trying to let the townsfolk know that I was a friend. A small man wearing a top hat poked his head out from the door of a tall building. “What have you come here for? Why are you-” he began, and then screeched, running at me with full speed. “Those shoes! Those are Eve’s shoes! You’ve done it! You’ve done it!! You killed the wicked bitch of the east!!!”

Toto began to snarl at him and he backed off. “Yeah I’ve done it, what you gotta say about it!?” I asked, stepping closer to him. Hopefully my height would be enough to intimidate this short man, but since he was from Detroit who knows. A smile grew wide on his face, what the fuck was wrong with this guy? He ran around the town, knocking on doors and shouting.

“Come out all!” He screamed, looking wild and crazed with joy. He probably drank too much sizzurp. I would know, I had the same reaction once. Shit got cray, Auntie Em tried stripping and I hooked up with my sister’s boyfriend, never again. “It’s time to celebrate!” Dozens of small people began rushing out of their homes, some holding giant lollipops and others holding baskets of kittens. I was so startled that I pulled the glock out from my picnic basket and shot the ones with the lollipops. 

“Okay. Okay. Okay. Fucking Detroit. You need to calm down.” I screamed, and Toto began to dance for the now frightened short people.


End file.
